To The Curb

You know what makes me sick. Everybody wants a platform. Everybody wants to be heard. You get a little position in life and all of a sudden, “you the stuff”. Look at President W. Has he or has he not lost his mind? And why, I am just asking why, would I think you all would be interested in my thoughts and my opinions? Why? Well, I don’t rightly know either but I’m gonna run with it….LOL (Laugh out Loud!).

There is something that I have noticed with families. And, it happens to women far more than it happens to men. Women seem to be kicked to the curb by her husband’s family soon after her husband dies. It’s like she all but disappears or falls into some vacuum. She doesn’t even have a name anymore! For 30 years she was Aunt Frankie Mae. For 30 years she was married to and stood by Uncle Train. Then, suddenly, Uncle Train dies (God rest his soul). Within a few years of his death Aunt Frankie Mae ceases to exist. She becomes “That was Uncle Train’s wife”. The phone calls to “That was Uncle Train’s wife” gets to be fewer and far between. The visits to “That was Uncle Train’s wife” are nonexistent. “That was Uncle Train’s wife” becomes a non-person.

I put this posting in the context of death but it happens with divorce as well. Divorce ripples through an entire family, not just the immediate family, not just the couple. Relationships become strained and some, torn apart. The good news is that we can do something about it. Since one can claim the former spouse’s nephew or niece one can still be Uncle Train or Aunt Frankie Mae. It is not a sign of disrespect of the “blood relative”; it is a sign of love.

The terrible part about this exile is the blatant inequality. Aunt Frankie Mae and Uncle Train raised seven children together. They were one big happy family. After Aunt Frankie Mae became “That was Uncle Train’s wife” she became invisible to her in-laws. However, those same seven children began to shine like gold! The in-laws wrap their arms around the seven. The seven are invited to family get-togethers like the annual fish fry and Homecoming at the church. “That was Uncle Train’s wife” doesn’t get those invitations. Every once in a while an in-law will ask one of the children, “How’s your mama doing?” “Tell her that I asked about her.” Can you imagine how that makes a person feel?

What I am trying to say is that we need to maintain relationships with people. Though death or divorce may separate us, we do not need to let passivity or misguided loyalty destroy our bonds with the ones we love. So, tell your Uncle that you love him and tell him that you love his ex-wife as well. She is, and will forever be, your aunt. Remember, careful of whom you put out to pasture. You may find yourself grazing along side them one day.